Only my mind would wait to tell it's darkest secrets

I find myself very content at times, and then there's this nagging voice inside my head telling me to become a phsyco-bitch! I hate it....I don't know what to do...And I'm too lazy to go into details at the moment.

I'm going to start reading Eclipse by Stephanie Meyer now!
I loved Harry Potter, but I can't wait to read the 3rd book of the twilight series ECLIPSE!

Stephanie Meyer is an awesome writer. Edward and Bella's romance is sooo beautiful I hope he turns her into a Vampire.

For those of you who haven't read Twilight through New Moon, you have to read it! It's an intriguing novel and it has such wonderful imagery...I mean you'd love it. Hope ya'll read it.

But the HP series were very good...I loved them.
I have to admit I cried at least once while reading the book.

Well I guess Life has finally taken it's toll on me.
I'm going to college! That's a plus right? I have a choice between Columbia College, Lander University, and Coker College. So far,I've chosen Lander University, because their tuition is 7,000 dollars a year and they're a GREAT school.
Also my bf and I, Geoffrey, are going to see each other tomorrow before he goes to Costa Rica with his church for a mission trip. I'll miss him.
I didn't mention I'm going to be a bride's maid in my best friend's wedding on the 18th of August. *sigh* she's only 19...and totally not prepared to be married. I mean she's sooo young. I've given up trying to convince her.
lol...heh...so much lies ahead...waiting for me you know?
Changes...that's what they are. And now, all I need to do is accept them. ^_^

YAY he likes me!!! he likes me!!! he really really likes me!!!!!!!!

well...my ex and his new gf (well...might as well say ex gf) just broke up and the drama starts again...life couldn't be ne more annoying...I am so bored...I want to go see the new movie "Blood and Chocolate" with Brandy and Amberleigh this Friday! I loved the book when I read it in like 9th grade. SAT's this Saturday...I really pray I do good! ok now I really don't know what to write....that's weird...I'm actually at a loss for words..that's horrible...now I'll have to find something esle to preoccupy my time...cya!

Why?... Why? Why? Why?
My ex-bf is an asshole and my supposedly bestfriend is an asshole! Why do I continuously surround myself by assholes???!!!? (sorry for the frequent use of profanity here...)

My SPB (supposedly best friend) had a doo-rag thing-a-ma-bobber on his head with the comp. "power" button symbol printed on it. I went up to him -playfully I might add- and poked it and said "on!" and straight after I do this he punches me in the stomach! Now the last guy who puched me in the stomach, I knocked his teeth out! but I wasn't gonna get suspended when I KNEW I could've been suspended for fighting...and he's supposed to be my friend...friends don't hurt each other..emotionally or physically.

And as for my ex-bf...ooohh..if I were good at punching Like I used to be I'd punch him dead in the face for the way he treated me and my friend today! listen this is what happened:
We just started a new semester, and it never occured to me that the lunches had changed along with the semester, so naturally most of the students in the school were going to have a different lunch schedule. WELL today at lunch, I see my ex and my bff Amberleigh walk on to the balcony (senior balcony) along with some other friends of ours...and I wuz asking them why they were up there..no one answers... I figure it's all the noise in the cafeteria that's drowning my voice out so I ask my ex this time and he glares at me and says (kinda snappy) "We have 4th lunch now.." and cuts his eyes at me and continues talking to his new gf. I was already pissed off at him for the way he treated my friend anna...at the beginning of lunch when he 1st arrived he asked who had a certain seat (that his evil little eyes had obviously seen)he wanted it of coarse. Well anna says "that's my seat" and of coarse she has her stuff there and everything...she might as well have wrote her name on the damn seat..and he says "that's my seat.." and he snatches the chair from her and literally pushes her out of the way and says "it's not yours now" I don't care who you are...you don't do that to a girl!
DAMN I HATE GUYS SOMETIMES!

I feel bad...not that that's ne thing new huh? lol well you're right..it's not. I feel like the whole world has turned upside down with me on it causing the blood to rush to my head...I wanna puke! This has got to stop or I'm gonna blow the last fuse I have in my brain that's keeping me together...Believe me when I say I'm a hazard to myself and ne one around me if I go crazy...again. I wanna just bury myself in a hole until this whole thing is over...I want something to happen...something..different.
ya know?

I'm in love with Death, is it so wrong? He takes me under his dark crimson wings, and humms a dark lullaby within my soul.

I'm in love with Death, if I kiss Death, he will steal my heart. Broken though my spirit is, I've never felt so alive.

Through the night he rides the stars. His eyes of the purest of white. No one else sees my lover, as he approaches the Moon so bright.

I love my Dark angel, with beauty so great, the love of darkness is mine. The cold years may turn, under his command the season's will burn, and I shall remain his queen for all time.

I'm in love with Death is there a problem with that? He kisses me back, as I shine. And within all this fire and ice of the world, no one holds no fate for his soul.

I'm in love with Death, just a mere kiss and control.

~Avery Bateman~

09/07/06

Soul Misguided, however do I live?

Soul Misguided, will I fall again? Will you fall again? Who will fall again?

I want to know.



Soul Misled, however will I go on?

Soul Misled, who will break my fall? Will you break my fall? Who will break their fall?

I need to know.



Soul Mistreated, however will I know?

Soul Mistreated, will I have something to show? Will you show me how? Who will show them how?

I'd love to know...

Poem but True story...




We were one once before. But who knew the damage that lied instore?

I gave him a heart, soul, and mind. But all he wanted was my time.

He reached inside into my very soul. I pushed him away, he just pulled.

I forced myself from inside his head. He forced me further onto the bed.

I tugged and pulled screamed and yelled. Why would he put me through this hell?

He kisses every single inch of my body. I hurt so much, why does he want to break me?

Spreads them open, forces it through. "I HATE YOU" I scream. "I FUCKING HATE YOU"

"You love me" he whispers all sensual in my ears. He forces in harder, causing my eyes to swell with tears.

He made me feel filthy, gross, like dirt. But never did I think he'd make me hurt.

My eyes hate the people who're around me...I hate this feeling, I want to be FREE

Why did he love me? Why did he crave? Why did he want to treat me this way?

Well I'll tell you this much...my life couldn't possibly get any weirder...and if it does, then I should prolly just kick the bucket lol. naw jk. But I guess I should explain...

I've already mentioned how I broke up with my ex-bf, and everything...well it just so happens that after our break up, I've been feeling very...well...numb. Like everything besides grades and getting accepted into schools just doesn't matter ne more. I mean I really couldn't care less about what's happening around me...and for some reason I feel like I should...I mean at least I think I should care about the things worth caring for...but I just seem to..well..not. And if I think about ne thing that would make me feel remotely vulnerable...it just hurts.

And grades in Math and AP Art aren't helping either. I feel like I'm losing my concentration in Math (which I need to shape up in quickly b4 the end of the year or I'm screwed! cuz I can't graduate with only 3 math credits) and I feel like I'm losing my creativity in AP Art...yea I said it..AP ART!!! the mother of all devils...and I have to deal with it.
I've been thrown into the firey pit of darkness..and I have no one to help me out! Life sux sometimes...and yet..I still feel like I should give it a try no matter what happens.....

Me and my stupid morals...>.>

It's really weird how everything seems to be going perfect one day and then the next thing you know...it's all too confusing to handle. I mean you always think you're in a good no not good..great! relationship with this wonderful guy...then all of a sudden he ignores you...*sigh*. I really thought we were gonna make it last...turns out he was more interested with the sultry side of me rather than the nice side. *deeper sigh* but now I'm with this extra kool guy, Matt, who is soo cute ^_^.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? He yells at me, saying I cheated on him with Matt..Which is soooo not true! cuz I would never never ever do that to someone...and I hate it that he would say that...I'm not gonna hold a grudge now, cuz he did say sorry, but what an IDIOT he can be sometimes! Urgh!!! ne ways...I guess I'd better go...

~Avery~